children spanking
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Results of the Spanking survey on Rexanne.com:
Voters – 233
Percentage of readers who do not hit their children: 37%
Percentage of readers who embrace their children: 62%
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I am completely opposed to spanking. I know that almost twice as many of you hit your children than those who don’t. At the risk of alienating 62 percent of my subscribers, I cannot in good conscience keep my opinions to myself. 😉
I feel that we have evolved enough as a society to understand that violence begets violence. Hitting is physically violent. So is spanking. I don’t think spanking teaches children to care for their parents or caregivers any better than other forms of constructive discipline. If hitting an adult is unacceptable, what makes hitting a child acceptable? Given that the parent or caregiver is probably three times the size of the child, doesn’t this raise bullying issues?
Many of the comments left on the spanking survey mentioned a Biblical reference: “Avoid the rod, spoil the child.” When we consider that the Bible was written thousands of years ago, we must also keep in mind that we may have advanced to the point where biblical interpretations probably shouldn’t be taken as literally as before. I do not believe that parents should whip their children into submission, any more than I believe that criminals should be stoned by the masses, as was the custom all those years ago.
Many parents (myself included) have refused to replace spanking with another strong form of discipline. Refraining from spanking our children does not negate discipline. We have created a generation of children without limits in our quest to adopt a kinder, gentler parenting style. While I am thoroughly delighted that many parents have chosen not to spank their children, I am saddened by the lack of respect for authority in so many children today. Without limits, children are insecure, always testing the limits…begging to be cornered for their own safety. By eliminating physical punishment, we need to find a healthy replacement.
Another comment often mentioned in the spanking survey had to do with spanking a child “for love.” I think this means that the father is disciplining his son because he loves him. Yes, by all means, he disciplines your son when necessary. My only request is that you consider not raising your hand or voice to them to accomplish this. My methods have been to remove a privilege, after a warning. It may not be the best way to set limits for kids, but it works pretty well with my daughters… most of the time. 😉
One interesting comment was from a mother who said she only hit her son when the boy was openly defiant. Well, you know, I wanted to consider that option for like two seconds! When my oldest daughter is defiant, my immediate instinct is to slap her…but I don’t. She is now an inch taller than me and she almost outweighs me. This is not a good time to start beating his ass. Either she laughed at me or she hit me back. Neither option seems conducive to maintaining authority! As tempting as that option may sound, it is not the answer. If we want to grow as a people, we must adopt more humane methods of teaching our children to behave.
The comment that bothered me the most was from parents who said they didn’t spank their child “right away.” The boy is told that he is going to be spanked while the father goes somewhere else to “cool off” before inflicting the dreaded punishment. Sorry, this gives me goosebumps. For me, this is a method of psychological torture. To imagine a small child, probably a small child (or a teenager reduced to the fears of a small child) in this situation, breaks my heart. If I were a kid, patiently waiting for a spanking, I think I’d seriously consider running away. Why stay with a returning parent, irrationally calm in the face of my utter terror, and let them hurt me? I don’t think it’s a good idea, no matter the circumstances. I would rather see a parent smack a child on the butt out of sheer frustration, as in the situation with a defiant child, than meditate for a while and then do the deed. I’m sure I just contradicted the parenting advice many of you have heard from the experts. These experts don’t rate an inch in my life. I can’t imagine a competent child psychologist thinking this is okay.
I am 100% committed to the philosophy of no spanking. I think spanking will be outlawed in most countries within a few years. This practice has been a traditional discipline tool for far too long.
Please, my dear readers who do not share my opinion, I ask you to consider the alternatives. Many parents spank, simply for lack of a better solution. There are other solutions. It’s not always easy, I know. Spanking is probably the easiest method of momentarily spanking a child in line, however, if we have alternative options that actually work, we will be better parents.
Copyright 2000 – 2005 – Rexanne Mancini