Being Assertive: How to Develop a Spine

Have you ever had a moment where you feel like everyone is taking advantage of your polite behavior or good nature? Do you have the feeling more often than you would like? Do you think they would still do it if you were more assertive? Do you want to learn to be more assertive and develop a spine?

Well, you would be surprised at the size of the group you are in if you answered yes to one or more of those questions. When I looked up how many people searched for “How to be more assertive,” Google says 8,100 people search for that phrase on a monthly basis. Add it to those looking for “How to be more assertive in [home] gold [work] etc. “and those who seek assertiveness training and then the number grows to fifty thousand. If you simply search ‘How to be assertive,’ the number jumps to a quarter of a million – so you’re not alone by any means!

So, as you can easily see, becoming more assertive is a goal that many want to achieve. They, and maybe even you, feel disrespected and want to be able to defend our position. More so, you want to be able to stand your ground without that feeling of guilt or fear. You want to develop a spine! If you’ve tried it even a little bit, you already know that developing a spine is no easy task. But I’m here to tell you with experience and confidence that it can be done if you commit to it.

Although I clearly cannot give you a step-by-step spinal growth process in this short article. Let me at least share with you some simple tips that will allow you to strengthen your assertiveness, as quickly as possible, and give you the spinal “seed” that you can nurture and grow:

• Stop apologizing so much. Too many people apologize out of habit. Many use the term “Sorry” too often and often at inappropriate times. Take a moment right now to think about the last few times you’ve used those two simple words. Then think about how you generally use them. Is it in situations where truly should you regret it?
  • You see, once you can stop apologizing for every little thing, you’ll start to get more assertive. You must learn to differentiate between when you need to apologize and when you don’t.When you apologize “just because” you are giving up your assertive power.
  • Hitting someone with their grocery cart at the store because they weren’t looking warrants an apology.
  • Drinking the last cup of orange juice before your spouse is not a situation that warrants a “Sorry.” I mean it was bought to drink, right?
  • If you are watching television and your child prefers to sit in the chair he is sitting in, “Sorry” it is not appropriate. It does not mean that you are not nice and give them their favorite chair, but do not give up your assertive power with a “Sorry.”

• Talk loud. Tell those around you what you want and need. For me, one of the keys to preventing assertiveness from becoming “jolts” is that assertiveness requires good communication and the skills that go with it: listening and speaking. Be clear and firm with what you want. Practice defending yourself by conveying your wishes and wishes to others and listening to their responses.
  • Let me be perfectly clear here: there is absolutely no need to be aggressive or obnoxious. Clearly communicate that you have thoughts, opinions, and needs, just as much as they do. Once you start expressing them better, the people around you will also learn to appreciate and respect you more. If not, you should reevaluate the people you are allowing to be with in that part of your life. Whether it’s your home life, your work life, or other parts of your life, you should only want those who can respect you in it.
  • Shriek! If you want to develop a spine, there is no time to be a mouse and sit in the corner. Express your opinion and be proud of what you have to say; people will notice and listen. People learn to respect those who have the courage, assertiveness, and backbone to speak their minds. Start small and grow as your spine grows. I am willing to be that as you start little by little, those who really care about you in your world ASK to learn more about your needs. This will really give your spine of assertiveness a boost.

• Commit and be patient. It is truly wonderful that you have decided to make positive changes in your life. Many don’t and get stuck wondering why everyone else gets what they want. It’s something you should be VERY proud of! But let’s be completely honest with each other here, a complete transformation will NOT happen overnight. You have entered a journey and you will have to be willing to put up with it!
  • You’re going to have good and bad days, but you must not give up. As long as you stay committed and are patient, you will grow a little each day and eventually succeed in what you are trying to achieve.
  • Keep your eyes on the prize. Focus on the big picture going forward and imagine how much happier you will be and how much your life will improve once you can be assertive and stand up for yourself.

• Work on your body language. This is a fact that most people completely forget. Body language is extremely important in any situation. Your body language will tell as much or more of the story than your words, for the better or the worse of its outcome. When you are trying to become more assertive, your body language should reflect this as well.
  • Stand straight, shoulders back, head up, speak in a light tone, make sure your hands are not crossed on your chest, and maintain eye contact with the person you are speaking to. Not a crazy googly-eyed look, but the eye contact of someone who sincerely believes in what they want. You think you deserve your level of respect, right? Of course yes!
  • If you look assertive, people will perceive you as such. When you are on a bus, in the subway or in a shopping center and you see someone wearing a smart suit, perfectly knotted tie, shoes polished, hair combed so that nothing is out of place and walking confidently, you get a vision of what’s in your head. Perhaps a successful lawyer or businessman. Everything from their appearance and body language. So if you keep your eyes on the floor, your shoulders are hunched, your hands are on your chest, and / or you mutter incoherently, you will have a lot of trouble expressing your point of view. Instead, look assertive and you will be perceived as such.

Assertiveness can help you in your personal life, your professional life, with your family, and in many other areas as well. Although it will take a little time, as long as you continue to take positive steps to grow your new spine, it will be there before you know it and when you need it!

Think Successfully and Act!

Tracy