Change negative self-talk

Have you ever paid attention to the conversation going on in your head when you are awake? If you’ve been listening carefully, I’m sure you’ve heard some not-so-nice things that your thoughts wanted you to believe about yourself.

Stop talking!

Unfortunately, our thoughts are not like well-behaved children who stop talking when we ask them to. Our thoughts are more like a rebellious child, who will do the opposite. Thoughts are like a continuous commentary, making fun of us, punishing us, encouraging us, judging others and ourselves, etc. The non-stop chatter basically doesn’t stop until you fall asleep. That is when your subconscious mind begins to process everything that has happened through our dreams, whether we remember them or not.

Hear

Start paying attention to what is being shared by the voice of your mind. You may even want to take note. You will find statements repeated over and over again, day after day. Notice the comments you want to change, bring awareness and buy-in to what is your first step in the change process.

reframe

Once you’ve noticed some internal dialogue you want to change, ask yourself: If someone you love, say your 6-year-old niece, heard those words from you, how would they feel? She would probably start crying or she would get really mad at you. You might even feel uncomfortable (hopefully) around those who say words to you. This is a good start. Then ask yourself: What would you say to her in her place? Keep these words in mind, as they are your reframing for your negative self-talk.

What would you say instead?

One of my clients found this approach extremely valuable. She regularly called herself a ‘silly girl’ when she made the simplest mistake. Loving her niece and knowing that she would hurt her, she changed her words to ‘come on, okay’. Every human being has moments of not being present. It’s okay, it just makes us more aware next time’ or ‘now let’s be kind to ourselves’. I have seen you do many things that you are very good at and you are very careful with them.

Implementing reframing

Take time on a work break to write down any negative self-talk, come up with a proper reframe, say it out loud the next time you make a mistake. Notice how different it feels. How would your niece feel now?

To change the habit of negative self-talk, you need to practice positive self-talk. The only real power you have is power over your thoughts.