Being in the moment is a thing of the past

Once upon a time, about ten or twenty years ago, people believed that it was essential to be in the moment. People actually thought that the closer you lived to the present, the more in touch with your senses you were. They truly believed that life was ephemeral and therefore in order to fully experience life you needed to experience all the sensory stimuli that were going on around you.

That quaint notion today is ancient history. Being in the moment is a thing of our past, filed away as impractical and self-defeating. Today the moment is lost to the transformative whims of the Blackberry, the IPod and the ubiquitous cell phone. We are writing, talking and distracted as we go about our daily lives. We cannot have a coffee or walk down the street without an electronic device diluting the environment.

We have stopped paying attention to our surroundings. When you stop paying attention to your surroundings, then you stop paying attention to all the big and small things that make up our lives. We are denying ourselves the experience. We no longer stop living in the moment; It is arguably difficult for most of us to even define what really constitutes that moment and how it affects our lives.

So if this is the case, how do we define a satisfying experience? Can we really tell that we are immersed in our surroundings if we are texting or talking to someone on our cell phone? Not really. Certainly there are important calls and business calls, but aren’t most calls the result of our inability to deal with our loneliness?

How did this happen? Is it our love and infatuation with our relatively new electronic devices that led us to a new dimension of consciousness? Maybe there’s more. It may be that the pressures of the modern world have built up to unmanageable proportions. It is perhaps the anxiety of silence or the fear of spontaneity that has us clinging to our cell phones. Like ostriches, we stick our heads in the sand, resorting to the predictable reassurance of a familiar voice or text on a screen.

Or maybe there are better reasons than risk aversion. The world is not just a scary place; it also breeds banality and repetition. The last thing most of us need is more banality and repetition, so we dive into our electronics to avoid it. But by avoiding the drawbacks of life in the present, we can also deny the magic that happens through observation and interaction. When we turn our backs on fate and chance, we trade the possibility of something wonderful happening for a boring and predictable routine. We let the cinema cultivate our fantasies. We think we will never find our lover on the street, so why bother looking? It’s easier to join an Internet forum or online dating service and search for them by category. It’s boring, but it’s easy. Why look up, when it’s easier to look away?

To assess quality and value, you have to pay attention. You have to study things. But obviously, when we’re busy with your electronic distractions, we don’t really pay attention. It’s like the people we all know who travel to an exotic location rich in architectural and cultural wonders, and the best they can do is talk to you about the food.

Instead of really understanding the difference between quality and junk, we rely on marketing and branding. It is through the purchase of labels and not necessarily quality ones that we express our desire for the better things in life. We don’t make decisions about what we buy, wear, eat or drive based as much on craftsmanship and quality of design and engineering as on perceived status and brand. We let others tell us what is good or right for us, and then we wonder why we feel frustrated and cheated. Unfortunately, we often choose our lovers and enter into relationships on the same basis.

Despite our best efforts to distract ourselves from living in the present, we cannot completely avoid real human contact. We still recognize that the underlying chemistry is at least part of the cause of attraction to others. We talk about pheromones and vibrations and our sexual response to certain intangibles. Yet despite our instincts, we eschew diversity and variety in favor of niche categories. We overlook the fine distinctions that make someone unique. We look instead for behavior that makes them the same, that makes them easy to define through generic slogans and simple jargon. It makes us feel comfortable when we can pigeonhole the world and classify our lovers by assigning them to rudimentary categories.

With this being the modern baseline for how we judge things, you have to ask yourself if you really know the people you’re thinking of dating. Of course you know them based on niche and preconception. They told you things about themselves, either by email or on the phone, perhaps over coffee or in a speed dating session. They told you about their taste in food, clothing, fashion, and what they do for a living. But do you really know them? Judging by the way we allow ourselves to be distracted from the moment, you probably don’t know them as well as you think.

The reason would hold if you aren’t really paying attention then you are missing the telltale signs of behavior. Telltale signs can go either way. They can direct you to an opportunity or reveal hidden dangers. If it’s an opportunity, you miss it. If it’s danger, you’d better be careful.

This may be why singles use background checks to research their potential lover’s history. Considering the reduced time to meet and evaluate, this seems like the smart thing to do. Otherwise, how do you know who you’re actually meeting online? Are they really who they say they are? If you are a single parent dating online or through speed dating agencies or services, you better make sure Mr. Marvelous doesn’t prefer his children over you.

So, at the very least, protect yourself from your own carelessness. Since you haven’t really been paying attention, when you meet someone you find interesting, before you start dating, order a background check. It’s always good to know if you’re about to date Jumping Jack Flash or Jack the Ripper. A background check won’t tell you everything, but it will help you decide if they really are who they say they are. Hey, just think of it as a brand.